Book Review: Calm My Anxious Heart (by Linda Dillow)

In the comments for the Comparison is the Thief of Joy post, several dear friends referred to/HIGHLY recommended one of my favorite books: Calm My Anxious Heart, by Linda Dillow, which (among many other things) addresses the issue of comparison.

From Lisa: “I have recently been re-reading (for about the 9th time) Calm My Anxious Heart by Linda Dillow…it is such a wonderful book very much devoted to the issues of contentment and comparison. I would recommend it to any woman of any age!” And from Amy: “CMAH by Dillow is a precious favorite of mine. So much meaty truth…love how she points you to the Word and how every word is derived from the Word! I heartily second your recommendation!”

I read CMAH over 10 years ago on the recommendation of another friend, who read and was greatly impacted by it. I was a little resistant – the friend who recommended the book really struggles with anxiety, and while fear is probably my greatest spiritual enemy (along with pride…), I wouldn’t consider myself an anxious person. I know, I know… how can you be fearful and not anxious? I didn’t see the connection though. As it turns out, the book is less about anxiety and more about contentment. And contentment is a GIANT struggle, and continues to be something that alludes me.I was greatly blessed by this book, and agree with my friend Lisa: This is one of those books I think all women should read (and you probably already know that I can be an evangelist about my favorite books.) Just listen to some of the chapter titles:

• Content with Circumstances
• Content to be Me
• Content with My Role
• Content in Relationships
• Never enough

And my favorites:

• Trusting God with the What Ifs
• Trusting God with the If Onlys
• Trusting God with the Whys

I can tell already that I’m going to be reading this again soon (despite the fact that I’m in the middle of 6 or 7 awesome books as it is…) Just this week I’ve realized again: Even when I have everything I think I need, it’s never enough. There’s a part of me that wants more…more approval, more security, more satisfaction, more fun, more….

I was single when I read this book the first time, and it really spoke into my discontent in that area: Paul says that there is a secret to being content in ANY and EVERY circumstance – I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength (Philippians 4:11-13). But it still felt like if I were married, I would be more content. I’ve heard Elisabeth Elliot say that if you’re not content single, you won’t be content married, and I’m living proof that this is true. Lasting contentment can not be based in our circumstances, because circumstances change. The only lasting contentment comes from Christ who never changes. So when I first read this book, the biggest challenge for me was trusting God with the If Onlys and the Whys. I had a LOT of If Onlys and Whys and one giant What if: What if I never get married??? Now as a wife and mother, I have slightly different If Onlys, and Whys, and I’ve added a whopping helping of What Ifs – what if something horrible happens to one of my children? What if Matt loses interest in me? What if my precious boys reject the grace of the Lord and walk away from Him? What if something terrible happens to Matt? What if God calls us to serve Him in small town Nebraska?? What if I never get to leave the country again? What if, what if, what if. (And I thought I wasn’t an anxious person!!) These questions could eat me alive if I don’t choose to trust the Lord, who holds ALL the What Ifs, If Onlys and Whys in His own hands.

Here are some of my favorite quotes, to whet your appetite to read the book, and if you’re anything like me, challenge your socks off:

Quoting a friend who found a prescription for contentment in an old diary of her mother’s:

• Never allow yourself to complain about anything – not even the weather.
• Never picture yourself in any other circumstances or someplace else.
• Never compare your lot with another’s.
• Never allow yourself to wish this or that had been otherwise.
• Never dwell on tomorrow – remember that tomorrow is God’s not ours.

Wow, did I need to read that again! I remember reading this the first time (it’s underlined so hard I almost wrote through the page) and committing to NEVER complain about anything – not even the weather. It didn’t last very long – I discovered then how much complaining is a conversation starter. “Wow, can you believe this Nebraska winter? I think it’s trying to kill me.” Obviously that resolution is not one that stuck – but I’ll resolve again, and by God’s grace, I will not complain!

Looking back, I realize I did desire to trust God, but sometimes He was very slow. When He was moving at what I thought was a snail’s pace, I unconsciously decided He needed my help… When we take over and try to control what happens, we take our focus off the One who is in control and put our eyes on our circumstances.

And from the Content to Be Me chapter:

Isn’t it comforting to know that God knew each of us before He created us? He planned what each of us would look like, who our parents would be, if and who we would marry, and how many children we would have. Before we could know God, He cared for us. He hid each of us away as a treasure until He brought us to be (Psalm 139)…My husband Jody believes that women look at other women more than men look at women. This may sound strange, but I think he’s right. We women analyze, scrutinize, and compare to see how we stack up… Several years ago I read an article by Reverend James Hufstetler that put the comparison game in perspective: “You will never really enjoy other people, you will never have stable emotions, you will never lead a life of godly contentment, you will never conquer jealousy and love others as you should until you thank God for making you the way He did.” God wants each of us to praise Him for His workmanship in creating us.

This is a wonderful, encouraging, and TRUTHful book. Read it, and then come back here & tell me what you think! And in the meantime, don’t forget to comment on this post for your chance to win a copy of Jesus Calling!